Leading Parallel Lives: Are A Mother & Daughter Really Walking on Different Paths?

 

FOF Diane Danvers Simmons helps women embrace new chapters in their lives by using three guiding principles: Own your Power, Feel your Spirit, & Live your Life the way you choose, with Wit and Wisdom. She wrote this essay four years ago, upon realizing that she and her 17-year-old daughter weren’t traveling on paths quite so different as we generally think.

She’s in the last stage of puberty; I’m menopausal.
She’s experiencing the throes of first love;
I’ve been thrown by love. She’s finding herself; I’m rediscovering myself. Two perspectives, one special relationship, and, to top it all, she’s stealing my
clothes, shoes, and jewelry.

The differences and similarities are uncanny, and more than enough to test any good woman on either end of the spectrum. While she’s bent over in pain, hugging a hot water bottle and sobbing over her cracked baby eggcup, I’m pulling off my clothes, stepping into a cold shower and weeping over the heel she just broke on my new red stilettos.

Tissues, self-help books, exercise, journals, chick flicks, wine and chocolate are all imperative at this time for both of us, and that’s just the starter kit. Round two: meditation and yoga, both of us lying on our backs with our legs in the air, to get the blood back into our brains, calm the nerves, and give us a whole new perspective on any situation. A cup of tea helps to seal the euphoric moment.

Both of us are coping with a set of new dynamics as women. I’ve had to own up to my choices, respect that she’s becoming a young woman, and she’s now more than just my daughter. She’s learning to respect me as a woman with feelings, desires and dreams, too. Both of us are stepping into uncharted territory, even if my stilettos are more worn out than hers!

She looks to the stars and thinks, “The world is my oyster.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking, ‘Enough of the oyster, now where’s the damn pearl?’ The truth is, I have a treasure chest of pearls, glistening with wisdom, many of which I will pass on to her. But the true beauty of living life now lies in the fact that there are so many more pearls waiting for both of us to discover!

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Meet Coach Kelly Burke

Kelly Burke

Tel: (508) 361-7276
kckaleidoscopecoaching@gmail.com

Tell us about your background.

I was raised, with a surplus of love, by top-notch parents and their village in Massachusetts and I’m eternally grateful for my upbringing. Family, friends and my relationships are what matter most to me. I’ve studied everything from biology to massage therapy, personal training to coaching and I continually learn how much more I need to learn! I LOVE to LAUGH and consider myself an ambassador for spreading joy and fulfillment. I think of myself as a passionate person and one of the things about which I’m most passionate is personal transformation for myself and others.

What brought you to coaching?

Fear paralyzed me for years from taking a step in a new direction from my original career in project management in the pharmaceutical industry. The sea of corporate buzzwords, recurring office problems and golden salary handcuffs had me drowning in dread each morning and self-loathing for being ungrateful for what was—for all intents and purposes—a fantastically full life of unfulfillment.

I always wanted to be a coach of some kind and figured I’d end up coaching my kids’ soccer games. I stumbled into life coaching when I started exploring my interest in human behavior, personal change and what it takes to create fulfillment and change.

Are there any particular life experience that inform your coaching?

My own and others’ personal transformations inform my coaching.

No two people are alike, which I find beautiful. I’m deeply interested in the mind-body connection.

What is your mission as a coach?

Every cell in my body craves helping others overcome obstacles that stand in the way of their dreams and goals. Fortunately, I know I can’t change anyone but myself. Through coaching I provide clients with a space and tools to uncover more about themselves. My mission is to help them gain new insight and perspective and empower them to start their journeys.

What kind of client do you most enjoy working with?

I enjoy clients who are hungry—even just a bit hungry—to learn more about themselves and love learning in general. My coaching juices start flowing when I meet clients who are feeling stuck.

Where and how often do you meet with your clients?

We start with a complimentary session to determine if the coaching relationship is a good fit for both of us. All sessions are conducted via phone and sometimes Skype (for international call alternatives). The client and I determine the appropriate frequency; we generally have two to three sessions a month.

What is the most important thing a new client should know about you as her coach?

I am driven by the infinite possibilities in life and I want to do all I can to help clients squeeze every drop out of their lives.

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The Myth of Multitasking

By Shirley Oya

My clients often tell me that they can’t slow down.

They constantly multitask, and they say it’s hard to concentrate on one thing at a time. I’ve named this common behavior Frenetic Frenzy and think it’s important to pay close attention to it for these reasons:

1. It’s stressful!

Too much stress, as we all know, is not good for our health, especially our hearts. Did you know that the rate of heart attacks in women under the age of 50 has increased dramatically in the past few years? Here’s the real shocker: Annually, heart disease causes one of every three women’s deaths.

2. The inability to focus impacts our creativity and level of productivity

Studies show that multitasking is a total myth! In fact, our brains can only focus on a single thing at a time.

3. It disconnects us from our friends and family

Think about how hard it is to truly listen to someone when your mind is going in a million different directions.

One of my favorite rituals to help transform Frenetic Frenzy into Peaceful Harmony is to spend five extra minutes in bed and take five deep breaths. I call it Five & Five, and this is how it works:

  • Set your alarm clock five minutes early, and instead of leaping out of bed when it goes off, stay there and focus only on your breath.
  • Take five slow, deep breaths, making sure you exhale fully to get rid of the stale air.
  • Mentally scan your body and notice how you’re feeling. Just relax!
  • If you already pray or meditate, this is a great time for it.
  • It also can be helpful to think of three things for which you’re grateful. Numerous studies in the field of positive psychology reveal how much this simple ritual increases our overall sense of well being and happiness.

If you’re still feeling foggy, that’s actually good, because you’ll get the full benefit of your breathing. While your ‘executive planning’ brain (aka prefrontal cortex) may not have fully kicked in yet, the part responsible for your intuition and creativity (the right hemisphere) is very accessible at this time. This early morning ‘fog’ can be a time of great insights and ideas. Most of the content for my recent video came to me during one of my early morning ‘foggy’ rituals.

Remember to:

  • Keep a pen and pad of paper by your bedside, so you’re ready to jot down your thoughts. If you wait until you get out of bed, you risk forgetting one or all of your great ideas!
  • Have NO expectations for a specific outcome. In other words, don’t start the Five & FIve exercise by writing your to-do lists. Simply be open to what comes to you. There’s no way to predict whether an entire project will be ‘”downloaded,” you’ll recall something critical for a proposal, or you’ll suddenly remember that you need to make an important doctor’s appointment.

Even if nothing comes to mind, this short breathing exercise can help you to start your day feeling calm and focused, and well prepared to handle whatever comes your way.

Until next time, breathe deeply, and BE Calm!

To find out more about Shirley Oya and to sign up for her newsletter, “Tools & Insights For Work-Life Harmony”, click here.

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{Giveaway} 15 Minutes That Could Change Your Life

Maybe you are uneasy about your marriage, or your job, but afraid to face it. So you’ve done nothing and your anxiety just keeps intensifying.

Enter Catharine Ecton, certified life coach, who wants to help you in just 15 minutes. She’s offering powerful (and complimentary) mini-sessions to 20 people. She’ll challenge you with new ideas and action plans to spark positive change in your life.

If you think a session is right for you, send Catharine an email to catharineectoncoaching@gmail.com to sign up!

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Meet Coach Dave Kaiser

David Kaiser, PhD, PCC, CPCC

Please fill us in on your background.

I’m a recovering academic, unrepentant and successful entrepreneur, married and highly spiritual father to an amazing daughter/athlete/future U.S. Senator.

I was depressed and didn’t like who I was, which led me to learn how to build self-confidence, self-acceptance and self-love.

How did you come to coaching?

When I was finishing my dissertation. I knew I didn’t want to be an academic, but I wasn’t sure what to do next. I spent a lot of time on the receiving end of coaching, counseling and therapy, and I remember thinking, during one coaching session: ‘My coach has a pretty cool job, I could do this.’ A few I started my training and certification at Coaches Training Institute a few years later, and during the 2008 recession, I knew it was time to start my own business and live my dream.

Do you have any life experiences that inform your coaching?

I was unemployed and underemployed for a long time, which led me to see the value of having a clear vision and taking responsibility for turning it into reality. I also was disorganized and unreliable, which led me to systems of time management and productivity. I was depressed and didn’t like who I was, which led me to learn how to build self-confidence, self-acceptance and self-love. This pattern has helped me to see that dealing with each of my struggles is actually preparation for being able to help my clients with the same issues.

What is your mission?

My mission is to use my “magic” to serve my clients and the world. I define ‘magic’ as the ability to change reality by changing our consciousness, for example, by viewing every problem as an opportunity in disguise.

With what kind of clients do you most enjoy working?

Mid-career women executives and professionals who want to create an extraordinary life of service, in accordance with their values and desires. I have found that women are more open to doing the professional and personal growth work necessary to become amazing leaders and make a big difference in their worlds.

Do you hold workshops?

Right now I do webinars, often for alumni associations. I am in the process of rolling out my own webinars and also planning in-person workshops in the Chicago area. Here are links to some of my webinars:

I am also developing a program entitled “Confidence for Women Professionals” which should be ready shortly.

Where and how often do you coach?

Typically we do three 30-minute calls/Skype per month, usually for a six or 12 month engagement, and I offer email support in between calls. I offer a complimentary “Your Dream Life and Career” Strategy Session

What’s the most important thing to know about you?

I have been through hell enough times that I can help you find the door out when you’re stuck there, and I can help you to create an awesome career, life and relationship through it all.

Meet Coach Jeanet Lamoca

Jeanet Lamoca

Tell us about your background.

I was born and raised in the Greater Toronto Area, Canada, the daughter of a German mother and Spanish father, who came to Canada in the early 60’s. I grew up in a family with a mix of cultures, traditions, rituals and language. Diversity and transition were foundational elements in my life from an early age.

I have over 25 years experience in the human services industry in various positions, including vocational rehabilitation counseling, mediation & arbitration and leadership development.

I work with the Strategic Capability Network (SCN) to deliver monthly programs to senior leaders and HR professionals.

As a public service, I facilitate workshops at the Aphasia Institute to help victims of strokes, and their families, to understand aphasia and give them strategies to communicate in new ways and make meaningful connections with those around them.

I hold a BA in Psychology, Organizational Career Development and graduated from the Rotman School of Management Executive Program. I am a Certified Co-active Coach Practitioner, Associate Certified Coach with International Coach Federation and a member of ICF International and Toronto chapter.

What brought you to coaching?

After working with a company for over 23 years, I was let go due to a series of organizational changes. During that ‘divorce’ I found myself off the island, alone and in a sea of ambiguity, questions and possibilities.

I remember saying to my husband, ‘I have been released, I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I do know it’s a gift.’

During a year long sabbatical I worked with a coach and uncovered my own passion for coaching. The Coaches Training Institute (CTI) had the structure, process, framework and rigor that I believed would prepare me well for this profession. Now I have my own coaching practice, SageSeason, Your Best Season, providing coaching services to people in transition.

Are there any particular life experiences which inform your coaching?

Although my job was over after 23 years, my career wasn’t. I also realized that for others in this position, their career is over and they want a job. Every end is the beginning of a BEGINNING and that end needs to be honored. Learning what to hold on to and what to let go of to transition takes time to understand, balance and to do.

Jim Rohn said: ‘If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.’ I really get that. Transitions are tough, ambiguous, wobbly and uncomfortable, and exciting, fresh, full of opportunities and freedom. It’s truly a process that is unique to every individual.

What is your mission as a coach?

Coaching helps push us out of our comfort zones to deepen our learning capabilities, it holds us accountable to use skills gained, gives objective feedback, a listening ear, a place to brainstorm while introducing new resources.

Highly successful people know that if they expect much better results, they must be committed to grow, learn, re-focus and begin to do things differently. I believe everyone needs to have the opportunity to partner with someone when they need to think something through, make tough decisions, get unstuck, change perspective and learn to listen to themselves.

My mission for each of my clients is to help them have ah-ha moments; to move through an uncomfortable transition stage; to discover themselves and be excited and feel connected and whole; to find out what they really want and to make better and smarter decisions and take action to reach their goals.

What kind of client do you most enjoy working with?

I most enjoy working with clients who are willing to roll up their sleeves and explore their situation, challenge themselves, get out of their own way and Go For It. My clients are 45 plus and senior in their profession. They are considering a change, or in transition and wanting to focus on themselves, to be their own priority, and figure out what they want.

Do you offer workshops?

I have a series of workshops that focus on career, leadership and life transitions:

  • Career TransitionGoing from Here to There
  • Strengths FirstKnowing your Strengths and Leveraging Them
  • Sage Season, Your Best SeasonHaving the life you want and planning it

Where and how often do you meet with your clients?

I offer complimentary initial consultations to assess how we’ll work together and partner in a way that will get you where you want to go. I coach by phone or by Skype and suggest a biweekly schedule, although arrangements are flexible and negotiable. I recommend at least a three-month commitment, which gives the coaching relationship time to develop.

What is the most important thing a new client should know about you as their coach?

I bring energy, compassion and a sense of humanity to my work, creating a unique and inspiring process. I partner with my clients with a high level of engagement and commitment to bring about the change they want to have. For me, coaching is forward thinking, focused on ‘what and how.’ The process promotes clarity, certainty and action. And focuses on the “here and now” for YOU.

Meet Coach Carolyn Hidalgo

Carolyn Hidalgo, CPCC

Tell us about your background.

As a teen, I loved reading Ann Landers’ advice column fascinated by how one person seemed to have the ‘right answer’ to solve life’s problems. I believed in a ‘right and wrong’ out there, but I was mistaken—the real answers are buried within us.

My parents, both physicians, taught me kindness, respect, and a secret to happiness: self-esteem. I became a Chartered Accountant, am happily married to a wonderful, fun-loving man, and we’re blessed with a son and twin girls. I thought I knew what love was, but something felt missing.

Until I began the self-discovery process through coaching, I wasn’t following my heart. I took a leap of faith changing careers to become a certified life coach/author. Today I absolutely love what I do (numbers didn’t excite me). Turned out being true to your self MATTERS.

What brought you to coaching?

10 years ago, a friend asked me to join a life-coaching group. I was in the exhausted, ‘no-time-for-myself’ stage of early motherhood, but was intrigued by the idea of getting together to ‘talk about life.’ I began to understand what it meant to live authentically—no more settling for the status quo. Choices suddenly became available I couldn’t see before. My sense of happiness grew to a deeper spiritual connection, purpose, and emotional fulfillment in all areas of my life.

Are there any particular life experiences that inform your coaching?

Absolutely. As I began to trust my inner voice, above anyone’s ideals of what I should do or think, I found myself in conflict and disconnecting with some of the closest people in my life. It was the most painful time learning how to let go, and the most transformational because it taught me the way I could stand up for what mattered to me without making anyone ‘wrong.’ It changed the depth of my connections as I began attracting like-minded people where I could just BE ME—a profound feeling of freedom!

My parents, both physicians, taught me kindness, respect, and the secret to happiness: Healthy self-esteem.

What is your mission as a coach?

I envision a world filled with authentic relationships, where people no longer criticize or judge anyone, including themselves. It’s a space you can create to live true to your highest well-being. You get to make mistakes without blaming yourself or others, and let go of unnecessary stress, guilt, shame, and conflict.

Criticism and judgment stem from what I call ‘the 4 Cs’:

  • Correcting others we see as broken thinking we need to ‘fix’.
  • Convincing others our ideas are ‘right’ for them.
  • Controlling others by imposing our ‘right’ way on them through forceful means.
  • Condemning others and seeing ourselves as superior.

By shifting our energy away from the 4 C’s when differences arise, and towards sharing, teaching, guiding, and modeling from a place of self-compassion, we can become the change. It requires being curious and open to ‘what is’ without a need to ‘be right, and make someone wrong’ taking full responsibility for your own choices.

What kind of client do you most enjoy working with?

I work best with “left-brain professional” types—mostly health/business field, and “career” moms juggling work/life balance. My clients are knowledgeable, seeking something more, struggling to create meaningful quality time, or want to take their relationships to new levels of intimacy. I resonate strongly with those who have faith or open to higher Universal Consciousness as I believe the most powerful transformation comes from a spiritual foundation of who we really are.

Tell us about your workshops and presentations.

I focus on living true to your self, finding forgiveness, letting go of guilt, and love without conditions (being judgment-free.) I want clients to experience more depth, and laughter in their relationships, ultimately experience the highest level of ‘soul love’ I believe we all deserve.

Where and how often do you meet with your clients?

I do an initial free call to determine if I am the right fit for what a client needs. All sessions are via phone or skype. My program is initially four months, with 8 bi-weekly sessions, and can be customized going forward. I do weekly email check-ins, provide session summaries, give ‘homework’ with accountability, and necessary access to me throughout the program. For specific issues, I offer coaching consults that are minimum 4 hours.

What is the most important thing a new client should know about you as their coach?

Trust. I am deeply committed to clients creating the life they truly desire without any judgment. I help clients awaken to their spiritually authentic nature, let go of what’s draining them, discover new possibilities, what’s holding them back, and provide tools, and resources to help them “become, and do” what is calling within.

Meet Coach Catharine Ecton

Catharine Ecton, ACC, CPCC

Tell us about your background.

I help clients in transition to create a plan to help them to lead the life they want because I know first-hand the challenges of change. I moved over 15 times in the US and around the world. During those years I raised a family, started and ended jobs, went to graduate school in a foreign country, learned new languages, and created and re-created plans for a fulfilling life wherever we lived. Sometimes those plans were difficult to make and often they were difficult to execute. These changes forced me to grow and stretch beyond my comfort zone into areas that proved exciting and stimulating. The unexpected results gave me insights into my personal values and life goals. As a coach I use this experience and learning to encourage others who want to do things differently, who may feel stuck or who are relocating.

What brought you to coaching?

As a FabOverFifty woman I have the opportunity to use my education and life experiences to show others that change is possible at any point in life. It is never too late to go in a new direction. I am the person who inspires and stimulates such action.

Are there any particular life experiences that inform your coaching?

Everything informs my coaching. I have had a rich and exciting life that continues to evolve in unexpected ways. Learning and challenge are important values for me and I have had my share of both over the years. In my coach training and busy practice I have discovered that self-enlightenment is the greatest contribution an individual can give to the universe.

What is your mission as a coach?

I want to help clients focus on individual goals for a fulfilling life. Together, we discover personal values and develop insights that will take clients on their transition journeys. My mission is their mission. My step-by-step approach includes the exploration of documented stages in transition: exhilaration, alienation, re-organization, adaptation.

What kind of client do you most enjoy working with?

I love the clients who find themselves in a transition, either by personal choice or imposed by circumstances, and want to create a purposeful and balanced life as they enter another stage. I also enjoy people who are dedicated to making changes because of personal circumstances or who are stretching into new areas of learning. I have expertise working with clients from other cultures who are experiencing culture shock in a new environment. That builds on my experience as a cross-cultural trainer with the Department of State in Washington, D.C.

Self-enlightenment is the greatest contribution an individual can give to the universe.

Tell us about your workshops and presentations.

I have given several teleseminars on Thrive in a New Culture and Your Transition. I am an experienced trainer and have assisted in coaching workshops sponsored by the Coaches Training Institute.

Where and how often do you meet with your clients?

I coach most of my clients by phone for an average of two hours per month for three to six months. I also meet one-on-one with clients who live in the Washington, D.C. area.

Waht is the most important thing a new client should know about you as a coach?

I am energetic, I have a great sense of humor and a lot of wisdom. I bring warmth and empathy to the coaching relationship while being demanding and non-judgmental about client choices. I am passionate about this work.

Meet Coach Linda Ratcliff

Linda Ratcliff

Tell us about your background and what brought you to coaching.

I was born in Washington, DC, and have lived there or in its suburbs all my life. Looking back, it was a great place to grow up. I was surrounded by all types of people, from our nanny, who took wonderful care of me and whom I loved deeply, to my parents who were both mathematicians, to the scientists and professors from all over the world who visited our family and sometimes lived with us for months.

After college, I taught for 30 years, fully enjoying primary age children and then, later, teaching learning-disabled children. Their parents often dropped by for a conversation, and I learned to listen to their problems. I loved that part of the day and took courses in counseling to improve my ability to help them. After some years of retirement and feeling unsettled, I looked into counseling again and discovered life coaching, a way to help people who are capable of learning, recovering, and taking action. I love that life coaching is about the coach and the client working together, rather than the therapeutic model where the client needs help and the therapist gives it.

I love to help people who are in pain and need to find their direction and who begin to feel empowered as we work together.

I’ve had lots of life experience. I’ve been single, married, divorced, and remarried. I’ve experienced family with dementia, cancer, mental illness, and death. I’ve experienced being a grandmother, a sister, and a wife. I’ve gone through hard times; I’ve had amazingly joyful times.

What is your definition of coaching?

Life coaching is a chance to plan your future rather then to just be washed along as things happen. It is a way of focusing on a future that you really want. It allows you to evaluate your goals and direction with a fine-tooth comb! It allows the client a chance to be held accountable. Life coaching is about continued growth, regardless of age. As a life coach I am there to raise the bar, to love and to support you.

Who most benefits from your style of coaching?

Men and women begin to rethink their lives around 35 and often make major changes. They get married, they may get divorced, and they may change jobs, when they start feeling that the job their parents pushed them toward isn’t what they enjoy. This is where I come in and why I called my business Life Stages Coaching.

My clients are serious about improving, even transforming, their lives. Most of them have not yet discovered their life purpose and are floundering, wondering why they are not content with their life or work. Once we begin the process of discovering their purpose, their life becomes easier, more productive, and more fulfilling. I love clients who are enthusiastic about our work together and who work collaboratively with me to achieve their goals. I love to help people who are in pain and need to find their direction and who begin to feel empowered as we work together.

I offer free consultations to see if we can work well together. Together, we design our alliance, our plan of action. I charge by the session (currently $115) and my clients do not sign agreements that force them into plans they must pay off. Most alliances last six months to a year, with check-ins as needed and desired.

Waking Up To The Possibilities

FOF Kathryn Gritts, from St. Louis, recently attended a two-and-a-half-day Fundamentals of Co-Active Coaching course, in Chicago, given by the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), which she won in a FabOverFifty giveaway.

A coordinator of Projects & Business Affairs at The Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod, Kathryn reported to us on her experience.

Why did you enter the giveaway?

While I knew nothing about personal coaching, I found the idea intriguing and wanted to explore this field and what it could mean to me. I am at a crossroads in my life. Over the past eight years, I’ve been the primary caretaker for my parents in their old age. I was blessed in that my work allowed me to go on a condensed flex work week so I could devote one weekday each week to their care. My mother died in 2008 and my father died in January of 2013. While I’m now busy tying up the estate and managing their trust, I no longer have the caretaking duties that I had for so many years.

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